The Dragonfly and Raven

The Dragonfly and Raven

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Satan's Telemarketer

“Hello, is Francis Moore available?”


“Is this he?”

“It is.”

“Hello Francis. My name is Carl, and I am calling on behalf of the Lord of Darkness, Satan, with a once in an eternity offer! How do you feel about selling your soul to the Devil?”

“Jack? Is this you?”

“No sir, this is Carl, calling on behalf of the Lord of Darkness, Satan.”

Francis laughs, “Okay Jack, whatever you say. I'll see you at the Danny's tonight, yeah?”

“No sir, I am not 'Jack.' My name is Carl.”

“Keeping to the gag, eh Jack? I like it! See you later tonight mate.”

The phone clicks off. Carl pushes away from his desk, tearing off his headset.

“What's wrong Carl?”

Carl sighs.“The usual Jerry. Nobody takes me seriously. I am so far behind quota. At this rate, I am going to go back to the Inner Seventh Circle.”

“Oh, come on now Carl, it can't be that bad. Besides, it's just part of telemarketing. It is a tough game, but it is better than the desert of burning sand and the burning rain though, right? I'll take the First Circle and this hell any day.”

“Yeah, this is certainly better. I am just so very bad at selling things. I want to get into the PR Department. I feel like I would shine there.”

“Ha! You want to work in PR, but you can't get people to sell their souls? Come on, there is no way you're getting into PR unless you shine here.” Jerry scoffs.

“Yeah? Well, fuck you Jerry! It must be second nature to you, coming from the First Bolgia.”

Carl turned back to his terminal, and punched in the next number.

“Hello, is Emily O'Brien available.”


“Hello Emily. My name is Carl, and I represent the Lord of Darkness, Satan. I am calling to give you a once in an eternity opportunity, a chance to sell your soul to the Devil!”


“Emily? Are you still there?”


“So, what do you say? Do you want to sell your soul to the Devil for amazing power in the mortal world?”

“Is this a joke?”

“No ma'am, I am one-hundred percent serious. If you sign today, you can have your powers immediately. All that is required is your desired gift from the Lord of Darkness, and give an oath of eternal servitude.”



“Yes, yes. I am still here. I am just trying to wrap my head around this. You're saying that I can have near limitless power, and all I have to do is make some sort of oath?”

“Well, yes. Though, it isn't some random oath, it is a pledge of eternal servitude to the Lord of Darkness.”

“Okay. I know you're pranking me, but I'll humor you. Yes, I will sell my soul to the Devil. In return, I would like to have ten million dollars.”

“Ten million? Okay, not a problem, I can most certainly authorize that.”


“Okay, in order to finalize the sale of your soul, repeat after me: I Emily O'Brien.”

“I Emily O'Brien”

“Do, of my own volition, grant my soul in eternal servitude.”

“Do, of my own volition, grant my soul in eternal servitude.”

“My soul to the Lord of Darkness, Satan.”

“My soul to the Lord of Darkness, Satan.”


“That's it?”

“Yup, that's it!”
“ when do I get my ten million?”

“Check your bank account. It's all there.”

“Yeah, okay. Sure.”

“I assure you it is. The Lord of Darkness always keeps his bargains. On behalf of our Master, I would like to thank you for selling your eternal soul to him. I can't wait to see you once you die!”

Carl ends the call, and pushes his chair back, hands held high.

“Jerry! Jerry! I did it!”

“You did what Carl?”

“I got someone to sell their soul, and only for ten million dollars!”

“Hey, there you go Carl! Good on you! Looks like you won't be going back to the Inner Circle after all, eh?”